May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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