do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
