The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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