Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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