Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
