So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
