You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
