I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
