why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
