Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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