I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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