I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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