He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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