My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
