Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
