I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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