worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
