In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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