Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
