dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.