So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to align my fucking chakras