She announced her abortion via fbk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?