Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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