Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
