I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He better not be in your backpack
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
