So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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