i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
