Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
