Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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