I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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