fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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