I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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