I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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