Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
