How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
True strength comes from lack of pants
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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