This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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