What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
