omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
