Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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