I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
