i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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