I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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