would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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