can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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