its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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