god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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