I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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