Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
