i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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