Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
