they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just blew my weed a kiss
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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