i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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