So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
