i was rollin on her like bob the builder
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
