I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
