Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
