my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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