So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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