Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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