...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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