hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
