sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
