why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
