eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
