I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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