Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
