you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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