you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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