singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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