There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
